Turning Inwards (Relationships Part III)

As with most things, perhaps everything, I have come to understand that whatever the distress or the excitement is, it always comes back to turning the focus inwards to better understand my relationship with my own self.

I quite like to share a reminder to myself and others, that the only one that will ever, truly and completely, have to live with ourselves, is our own self! So the easier and more pleasant the co-habitation is, the happier and more peaceful, my living experience will be.

In the yogic path and in Patanjali’s yoga sutras, I have found a good guiding system. To paraphrase a musician/poet I like, it’s a bit like having a map that roughly tells you “YOU ARE HERE” and these are the tools you might need to move in the direction you wish to take.

This guiding system is the Niyamas, and as with the Yamas (concerned with our relationships with others – see previous posts), there are 5 of them.

The first 2 form the foundational principles for working on this relationship, sauca and samtosha, they deal, both with the material, external aspects of ourselves, as well as the more esoteric, internal aspects, respectively.

Sauca, more concerned with the external aspects, usually loosely translated as cleanliness or purification, does point to practices of cleansing and purifying our bodies, being mindful how we treat our bodies physically, but also how we treat our minds. What experiences do we engage with? What mental food do we give ourselves? It directly translates as “to shine or gleam” pointing to an experience of purifying and ultimately caring for ourselves. It is therefore a guiding principle which encourages us to develop self-care and ultimately presence with ourselves. How able am I to be present and discerning? To bear witness to myself and from that place make choices that serve me well. I have found that it is in the absent mindedness that I become careless with myself. Mindfulness and yoga, bring me back, or at the very least remind me to come back and be present to myself. Presence, I have found, is a good starting point for any relationship, and since our own selves are the ones that accompanies us consistently, they becomes the best ones to practice with! If you want to read more on this topic of self-care, check out my previous posts Self-care - How good are we at looking after ourselves and Self-care -Part 2.

The Dancer - somewhere in the West Country

The second niyama, samtosha, is more concerned with the internal world, and the experiences that take place within. It is translated as “contentment” and in simple terms, preferencing feeling good. It speaks to a state of being which is beyond happiness and satisfaction which comes about because of, either our desires being fulfilled or successfully avoiding things and situations we have an aversion towards. It is a state of being that has a quality of “isness” and openness, as well as gratitude. A place where from we have developed an independence from unhelpful habits and responses, and we can “just be” present, not wishing this moment to be any different, fully established in ourselves, with nowhere else to go and nothing else to do, feeling complete as we are in the moment. And every moment.

Of course, there will always be times, and circumstances that take away that feeling and we experience pain and loss, distress and sadness. However, it has been my experience that most of us have the tendency to stay in such experiences much longer than it is helpful or necessary, forgetting to appreciate, that at the same time, there is always something to feel grateful and good about. I have found it a helpful practice in remembering the totality of what is, as well as to ask myself the question of how important something really is and is it really worth my energy and time.

It keeps living in this “house” a happier experience and one I am happy to be in.

It might be worth, giving these 2 principles a go, intentionally and consistently. Perhaps for a whole day, or a week, a month even, and see how things might start to change. I would love to hear from you, if you have anything you would like to share.